Escape the House.

I think I’ve found the solution for my life that both provides me with change and structure at the same time. It’s not a revolutionary idea, but now that I’ve tried it, I think it’s really important. Having scheduled time for pushing myself, doing something out of my comfort zone allows me to both keep my routines and push myself.

My natural inclination is to stay inside as much as possible, which feels safe, but I think I feel about as anxious when I stay inside as when I do something new. It’s a difficult hurtle to overcome, but every time I push myself to be alone and just GO, I feel better about myself. It gives me motivation and drive, it feels scary at first, but then refreshing.

I can feel so much anxiety while sitting at home, because I feel dormant and unchanging when there is so much work to do on myself, and so many experiences I could have. I want to get used to being uncomfortable which is a huge hurtle for me. It’s easy to just turtle up and be beaten down by my search for change, rather than face something different, but facing something different is what I need. It’s the only way I can realize that I love myself and I love the world. Staying inside can be nice, but it doesn’t help me learn and grow.

I need to be scared to change. And I need to let myself be, without crushing down and supressing who I am. I so often shut myself down because I don’t believe, when I really am a capable human that does so well under stress. I may have had the confidence browbeaten out of me, but I can’t hold onto that forever. I need to show myself that I am capable. I need to believe that I can handle what I need to. I need to be kind to myself, I need to love myself so that I can reach what I want to reach.

I’m over being scared, I’m over doubt, I’m over the disgust I can carry. Others can see it and I can see glimpses, but I want to breakthrough. I know I can.