Finding My Way.

Despite the last post, I’m still struggling to find that rhythm. I realized I’m holding myself back significantly in multiple ways. I haven’t worked on my confidence in any major way, and that’s slowing me. Adding to that is my ability to make excuses for not starting anything. The only way to get better is to put in consistent work. Whether I want to make music, write, skate, or improve my mental health — I have to stick to it. Any habits I want to break, I have to make an effort to do because the default is to keep following the same paths that I’ve already instilled.

The longer you continue to be the same, the harder it is to diverge from the path. If you aren’t where you want to be, it’s only going to ingrain itself more if you don’t create a new rhythm to follow. I have to work hard to intentionally create new paths to follow. If I stick to them, my brain will eventually follow these new routes.

The easiest way I visualize this is through rivers and valleys. When we are freshly created, our water runs on a mostly flat surface. As we grow, the water starts to create grooves in the earth, making it flow down these paths. As we continue to follow these paths, the rivers grow deep until they are massive valleys. Diverting the water at this stage is the most difficult, but as you move the water it will begin creating a new flow. You of course have to work to continuously divert the water, otherwise it will follow the deep grooves it’s made.

Many of my own rivers have created great valleys dug into the earth. It will be difficult to change these paths, but the longer I wait, the deeper they will become. I have to change now, because it will only become more difficult over time. I have the power to choose to be different, but only if I exercise that ability.