Something Important to Me.

I used to be obsessed with the idea of legacy. This concept was pervasive — I couldn’t let go of wanting to be important or wanting to be recognized as important. This idea stuck with me for years, despite not actually working towards greatness or high achievement.

I think when you’re especially young, it can be easy to succumb to the ego and seek to defeat death, something intangible and scary. It’s great to be recognized, but I’ve realized that I just want to be satisfied with my own output and creation at the end. Legacy isn’t important because it only exists when it matters the least, and the pursuit of positive perception can only wear me down.

I want to live in a place where I can exist as is, improving slowly and steadily, but without the pressure to be this way or that way. My anxiety stems from the feeling that I can’t fit the expectations of others. The fear that’s been bred from expectations is tiresome and I’m left raw. Not cold to the world, but rather overstimulated, sensitive to what I see as judgement and the molds that I can’t even began to fit while being who I want to be.

That’s why I want to create my own space. It’s not entirely secluded, but that’s not the point. I want to hone my output and create a repository of everything that’s important to me. I want to be proud of what I create, and so, this is how I start.